Twisted Fairy Tales
by mitsukai-hime
Summary: Gundam Wing parodys of classic fairy tales. Plus, we give away any remotely chibified charachers at the end of each fic. Now go read it! You know you want to...
1. Summer Duo and the Seven Chibis

Disclaimers: I do not own Gundam Wing *sniffle*. I don't own the story Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and I don't know who does. So there! As for warnings, this fic contains shonen-ai. But not that much, plus it's only because I randomly picked the parts. So if you don't like shonen-ai, you could probably read this fic anyway.   
  
Twisted Fairy Tales:  
Summer Duo and the seven chibis  
  
Once upon a time, in the cliche beginning to this fic, there was a princess who ran away from home because she was being forced to marry against her will. Yes folks, this is important to the development to the plot, but I suppose you could skip it and move on to the real beginning, which comes in the next paragraph. But for those of you who are wondering what this princess has to do with the actual plotline can keep reading. So as this princess was running through the fields, she found a ring on the ground, set with a beautiful shimmering indigo stone. So she sat down and thought to herself, "I wish I could have a child with long flaxen hair, and eyes the color of this ring, and..." Well, while the princess was making her demands, the King's guard found her and took her back home.   
  
But the marriage must not have been that bad, because a year later she had a child, who did have flaxen hair and indigo eyes. But apparently there had been some kind of cosmic joke played on her, because she had meant to ask for a girl who looked like this, but ended up with a bishonen. But, being the happy-go-lucky person she was, she still loved the beautiful child that she had. She named him Summer Duo, and then she died.  
  
The king, who was overcome with grief, decided to fill the void of losing a loved one with remarrying. His new wife, Queen Dorothy, was beautiful, but she was also jealous and cruel and had a bit of a self-esteem problem. She owned a magic mirror, and every day she would look into it and ask:  
  
Mirror, mirror, on my wall  
Who's the fairest one of all?  
  
And Noin, the spirit that lived inside the mirror, would always say, "You, Queen Dorothy, are the prettiest one of all." And Dorothy's self esteem would go up, because she knew the mirror could not lie, and she would be happy until the next day.  
  
But as Summer Duo grew up, he became prettier and prettier, as most bishonen do. Queen Dorothy, as most insecure people would, became worried that one day, Summer Duo would become the fairest in the land. So she dressed Summer Duo up in rags, made him braid his long hair that he refused to let anyone cut and forced him to live with the servants and work all day.  
  
However, Summer Duo shared the same happy-go-lucky attitude as his mother, and didn't mind doing most of the work. He contentedly scrubbed floors and got water from the well, dreaming of the day when someone would rescue him and take him to a castle in the colonies. One day, as he got water from the well, he heard the pigeons talking to him. "If you make a wish into the well, it'll come true!" Summer Duo decided to tactfully ignore the fact that birds were telling him he had been drinking from a well that could grant wishes, and stuck his head into the well.  
  
"I wish that someone wonderful would find me today."  
  
And as Summer Duo took his head out of the well, the not-so-charming Prince Heero rode up to the castle. He saw Summer Duo, and though not quite sure whether he was a boy or a girl, decided that he was one of the most beautiful people he had ever seen. But when Summer Duo realized that someone was staring at him he ran inside. Queen Dorothy also noticed this, and turned yellow and green. The castle doctors determined it was nothing more than a slight case of jealousy, and recommended a facial.   
  
Queen Dorothy once again asked her mirror:  
  
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,  
Aren't I the fairest one of all?  
  
But when Noin popped up she replied, "Sorry, Queen, but it looks like Summer Duo is now the fairest one of all. But if it makes you feel any better, you were recently voted the most malicious ruler in fifty years."   
  
Queen Dorothy threw a temper tantrum, then got an idea and sent for her huntswoman, Catherine. "I want you to take Summer Duo deep into the woods and kill him!" She gave Catherine an ornate box. "Bring me back his braid in this box as proof."  
  
Catherine was saddened by Dorothy's words, but she didn't want to make her mad. So as she took Summer Duo deep into the woods, she made a plan. "The Queen wants me to kill you, but I cannot," she told him, "run away into the woods, and don't come back. I will tell Queen Dorothy that you are dead." So Catherine left Summer Duo, and on her way back to the castle she bought a wig, braided it, cut off the braid, and put it in the box.  
  
All alone in the forest, Summer Duo was scared, as he had never left the palace grounds. He ran through the forest, looking for a way out. Eventually he found a little cottage. Not aware of the laws against breaking and entering, he walked inside and found no one home. The house was filled with dirt and cobwebs and dirty dishes. Summer Duo's cleaning instincts kicked in and he cleaned the entire house. He went upstairs and found seven little beds, each one with a name on it: Quatre, Zechsy, Wufie, Relenie, Trowy, Sally and Hildy. "What weird names, and the beds are so small," Summer Duo thought. He then pushed all the beds together and fell asleep.  
  
Late in the evening, the owners of the house came home. They were very surprised to find that the whole house was clean. "I can't believe it!" Quatre exclaimed. "Yeah, can't believe that someone broke into our house and didn't steal anything," Zechsy muttered. They went upstairs to find Summer Duo sleeping in their beds. Trowy poked him, "what do you think it is?" "It's an onna! An onna broke into our house! INJUSTICE!" Wufie screamed. Of course, this woke Summer Duo up. "What the...this house belongs to a bunch of chibis! Weird!" This caused all of the chibis to become very upset. But Summer Duo explained what happened to her, and they decided to make a deal.  
  
"We'll let you stay if you clean our house and make us dinner," Relenie said. Summer Duo, not knowing much about any other way to live, agreed. So while the chibis went out looking for diamonds every day, Summer Duo would keep everything neat and have dinner set up for them when they came home. And every day the chibis warned him, "Don't let anyone into the house, since your stepmother is very tricky."  
  
Back at the castle, Queen Dorothy was doing a little happy dance, "Summer Duo's gone! Now I'm the fairest one of all!" Just to make sure, she asked her mirror:  
  
Mirror, mirror, on my wall  
Aren't I the fairest one of all?  
  
But Noin popped up and said, "Sorry, but Summer Duo's still the fairest one of all. But don't get mad, I know where he is." So the mirror gave the Queen directions to the chibis house so she would throw another tantrum and crack the glass in the mirror. Queen Dorothy then thought up a plan. She dressed herself up in black rags and pretended to be an old peddler woman. "Now no one will recognize me!" Actually, half the kingdom did, but they were used to eccentric rulers. Dorothy also brought with her a poisoned box of pocky, which looked so delicious that everyone who saw it wanted a bite.   
  
The Queen made her way to the seven chibi's house. She knocked on the window and begged Summer Duo for some water. Summer Duo reluctantly handed her some water, and when Dorothy finished drinking it, she offered him the box of pocky. "Won't you have some as thanks?" Summer Duo knew he shouldn't take pocky from strangers, but it looked so...tasty...  
  
Once Summer Duo took a bite of the pocky, he collapsed onto the floor. The animals in the forest ran to warn the chibis, but when the chibis got back to the cottage, Summer Duo wouldn't wake up. However, the animals found Queen Dorothy and pushed her off a cliff, where she died a rather nasty death. The animals were very proud of themselves, not realizing they had thrown the country into an economic crisis.  
  
But more important is Summer Duo, who was currently in a crystal coffin the chibis hade made for him. All day and all night, they watched over him. After awhile, our not-so-charming but oh-so-loveable Prince Heero had heard about this beautiful person who lay asleep in a forest glen. He wondered if it was the person he has seen so long ago, and decided to check it out. When he got there, the chibis let him go near Summer Duo, and he leaned over and kissed him. Summer Duo then woke up, and glomped him in return. They went off together to live in Heero's castle in the colonies, where they lived happily ever after.  
  
Wow, that was...strange. Hmm...now how can I get you to review? I know! I'll give away the seven chibis! Everyone loves chibis! Free chibis to the first seven people who review! All flames can be left with my secretary, Quatre-  
  
Quatre: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Who is currently using the zero system. Ja ne!  



	2. Noinerella

AN: Hi all! Due to life in general, I've had to put off writing this part. But school will be over in a month and a half, and I'll start writing more again. But I rant... so, on with the newest Twisted Fairy Tale...  
  
Wufei: This is demeaning, onna.  
  
You pick the part out of the hat, you play the part. Deal.  
  
Twisted Fairy Tales:  
Noinerella  
  
A long time ago in a fanfic far, far, away...  
  
A rather wealthy widower and his only daughter lived in a mansion. The daughter was given anything she desired- dresses, a horse, a puppy, even her own Aries. But the man, who obviously hadn't hear of the word "nanny," decided to marry a woman with 2 young bishonen, hoping they would be good playmates with his darling daughter.  
  
Well, he was a little too late. Within several months he died under mysterious circumstances and the stepmother Wufey began to show her cruel and evil side. Her jealousy of her new stepdaughter was only made worse by the fact that she made Wufey's own bishonen look meaner and uglier in contrast.  
  
Wufey quickly went about tampering with her late husband's will, making sure her stepdaughter wouldn't inherit any money. While her bishonen hung out reading manga, the stepdaughter was forced to wear rags, do all the chores, and sleep in the chimney corner. To add insult to injury, her stepbishonen Heero and Trowa decided to call her 'Noinerella.'  
  
But even as her stepmother and sisters slept in cozy chambers with squishy waterbeds, Noinerella stayed happy and cheerful through it all. She became friends with the mice who also resided in her attic room, and named them Sally-ko and Quatre-chan. And together they made up their own happy little family, keeping her company as she made breakfast, gave the dog and horse food, oiled the Aries, and fed the ducks, chickens and moose. As she brought her stepfamily breakfast, they'd give her orders to keep her busy until the wee hours of the next morning.  
  
"Clean my guns and make sure my explosives won't accidentally detonate during the day," Heero demanded.  
  
"Buy me some hair get, pick up the latest issue of "Clowns Monthly", then stand completely still while I chuck knives at your head," Trowa intoned.  
  
"Polish my katana, make sure not a hair gets out of my ponytail, then do penance to Nataku for being born!" Wufei ordered. But even this on a day-to-day basis couldn't ruin Noinerella's cheerful demeanor.  
  
On the other side of the tracks in the 'good' part of town, Queen Relena paced angrily as she conversed with her Grand Duke, Duo. "It's time the prince married and settled down!" cried the hysterical Queen.  
  
"It's not quite so simple, Relena-sama," Duo replied, "first he has to find a girl, fall in love, meet her parents-"  
  
"Right, sure, whatever. Just make him get married! I don't care what you have to do!" Relena grabbed Duo by the collar and started shaking him.  
  
"May I suggest holding a ball and inviting all the young folks in the kingdom? He's bound to fall in love with one of them," Duo asked as he tried to pry Relena's fingers off his brand new suit.  
  
Relena dropped Duo abruptly. "It's brilliant! I love it! Run off and write the invitations!"  
  
"Hai, hai. But do you think you could help me up first? I think I broke my ass..."  
  
Heero and Duo grinned happily as they read the invitations to the Queen's party. But their smiles faded as Noinerella entered the room. "I must come too," she said, pointing at the fine print, "it says, 'By decree of the almighty Queen Relena, all eligible girls must attend.'"  
  
Her stepbishonen fell over laughing. But before they could say anything, Wufey entered the room and glared at all of them. "You may attend the ball, Noinerella- but only if you finish all your chores in time," Heero and Trowa continued to snicker, "and if you have a suitable dress to wear."  
  
All day, as the rest of her evil stepfamily pondered over what they would wear to the ball, Noinerella was kept busier than ever, though she got to listen in on their plans to marry any of them- except Noinerella- off to the prince, then whittle away at his bank account and divorce him once they had made a considerable profit. But as the carriage approached to take the family away, Noinerella had only a few minutes to find a dress. "Better hurry, Noinerella," her stepbishonen taunted, "or you're not coming!"  
  
As Noinerella ran up to her attic room to find something to wear, she noticed a dress lying on her bed that the mice had sown together. Not knowing quite how they had accomplished it but being very happy just the same, she got the dress on and made it down as the carriage parked at the side of the building.  
  
But as Noinerella tried to climb into the car, her stepbishonen angrily tore at her dress. "My gun cleaning cloth!"  
  
"I was going to use that silk for new clown pants!"  
  
"MY 'JUSTICE IS NATAKU' RIBBON!!!!" As Wufey ripped the ribbon off, the dress fell apart into shreds of useless rags. But her stepsisters only cackled as they rode off to the ball.  
  
Noinerella collapsed onto the ground, crying quietly. As Quatre-chan and Sally-ko rushed over to console her, a girl appeared in a flash of sparkly light. "Who are you?" Noinerella asked.  
  
"I am your fairy godcousin, Catherine, and you can't go to the ball looking like that." She pulled a knife out of hammerspace and chucked it at Noinerella. She cringed, but the knife exploded into cherry blossoms as the remainder of Noinerella's ruined dress turned into a magnificent ball gown. "Okay, now I'll need an Aries, mice, a horse and a dog." The mice ran off to get the other things as Catherine put on Noinerella's makeup. After the mice got back, she hurled knives at the mice, Aries, horse, and dog, turning them into stallions, a sparkling coach, a coachman and a footman, respectively.  
  
Catherine stopped Noinerella as she was about to get into the coach. "No matter what, you can't stay later than 3AM. My magic's not what it could be, so the spell won't last forever. Anything that I enchanted will turn back to its original form at 3AM. Have fun!" Catherine continued to wave as Noinerella hopped in the coach and drove off toward the ball. "Kids these days..."  
  
The ball had already started by the time she arrived. Just as Prince Zechs was about to bow to the three-hundred-tenth and eleventh bishonen- Heero and Trowa- he saw the most beautiful girl in the world. Completely forgetting about his three-hundred-twelfth guest- Wufey- he walked over towards Noinerella and led her into the middle of the dance floor.   
  
Prince Zechs refused to even look at another girl the entire evening, only able to stare at the beautiful Noinerella as all the other guests wondered who this enchanting girl might be. Not ever her own stepfamily could recognize who she was. Duo watched contently from the punch bowl, glad that his plan to find Zechs the perfect bride had worked as a love-struck Relena chased Heero around the room.  
  
But as the clock was about to strike 3 Noinerella remembered her promise. Crying in panic, she reluctantly broke away from the prince's grasp and fled out of the palace. As she raced down a flight of stairs, one of her leather pumps fell off, but she continued running towards the door. Just as the clock struck three, the spells vanished and all that was left in front of Noinerella's house was an Aries, her dog, her horse, Sally-ko and Quatre-chan, and the remains of Noinerella's dress. However, the other leather pump still remained on her foot, and she stared at it with amazement.  
  
A frantic Prince Zechs announced that he would marry whoever could fit perfectly into the shoe the girl had left behind at the ball. He sent Duo off to every house in the land to search for the girl who had captured his heart. He tried to fit the shoe on every duchess, princess and baroness in the land, and eventually ended up at Noinerella's house. Wufey, who had planned ahead for this, already ordered Heero to lock Noinerella in her room and Trowa to grease Wufey's foot to help her fit into the shoe. But what they hadn't counted on was Sally-ko, who had deftly snuck into Heero's pocket to steal the key as Quatre-chan distracted him.   
  
Meanwhile, Duo was trying to fit the shoe onto Wufey's foot, but her foot was too big. Wufey grabbed the shoe in frustration and tried to shove in on in a last resort, but it only popped off and landed in the fire. "Oh, crap! Relena-sama's going to fire me now!"  
  
"Don't worry, I have the other shoe right here." Noinerella walked down the stairs, holding out the other leather pump in her hand. Heero and Trowa tried to grab it away, but Noin kept it from them. Duo grinned as the shoe slipped on to Noinerella's foot perfectly, "Congratulations! You're the new princess!" Duo took her to the palace and got her cleaned up, as absolute proof that she was indeed the girl from the night before. Zechs married her immediately, and they lived happily ever after. Heero didn't live quite as happily, since Relena spent the rest of her days chasing after him. Wufey spent most of his time building a shrine to Nataku "For forgiveness," and Trowa and Catherine started a circus for all of Noinerella's pets to star in. So all in all, we can safely state:  
  
They lived.  
  
Mitsukai-hime: ^_^v So, did you like it? Well, go review! Or I'll send-  
  
Chronos: Quatre's on vacation.  
  
*In Aruba*  
  
Quatre on zero: Ahhhh... ahahahahahaHAHAHAHA!  
  
*Back at the ranch*  
  
Mitsukai-hime: *sweatdrop* Uh... I'll send... Heero after you!  
  
Heero: *still running away from Relena* You're on your own!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: I'll give you Sally-ko. Can we do that?  
  
Chronos: Hai!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Alrighty then! Now go review!!  



End file.
